Insomnia?

I am a victim of occasional insomnia, not sure why (ok it may be the coffee) but it is annoying. Lately I have also fallen prey to the random nightmare. On Friday it was a nightmare that I was on a city bus and Howard Stern was sitting behind me telling me spooky stories. It seemed real and the stories were scary. Not sure what was scarier though, the stories or being on a bus with Howard. I woke up with the worst headache that lasted all day. Thanks a lot Howard!


I also ran across this hilarious top 100 list of reasons you are up all night, I know it's long but it is funny! It was in Radar magazine, which I got free using my frequent (hahaha not so frequent) flyer miles from Northwest Airlines. Here's the list:

1. Can't stop worrying about Britney

2. Hide-a-Bed too well hidden

3. Keep hitting speed bumps

4. Larry King won't stop snoring

5. Can't get those Nazi war crimes out of your head

6. That guard keeps shining his goddamn flashlight in your eyes

7. Person in next hostel bunk won't stop crying out in Afrikaans

8. Severed horse head is hogging the covers

9. Couldn't turn down that third helping of cocaine

10. Some woman keeps having sex with you

11. Mistakenly set white noise machine to "Panicked Cattle at Slaughterhouse"

12. Overcome by polar bear guilt

13. You'll sleep when you're dead, or in 20 minutes—whichever comes first

14. Breast and ass implants make it difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position

15. Determined to watch every last bit of cheetah-attack footage on YouTube

16. Still angry over the Sopranos finale

17. You smoke in bed—specifically, hickory bacon

18. People keep barging into your ATM vestibule

19. Next-door neighbor is hosting a live performance of Drumline

20. Discovered the Magic Fingers bed you've been enjoying has never actually been plugged in

21. Pajama ass-flap keeps flopping open adorably

22. You're the world's biggest fan of whatever piece of shit is on TV at 3 a.m.

23. Kitschy Virgin Mary night-light from Urban Outfitters suddenly seems in poor taste

24. Shouldn't have caught the Faces of Death marathon on cable

25. Tomorrow you will finally realize your dream: sex with Richard Belzer
26. Too many high school grudges to settle

27. Filled humidifier with Red Bull

28. Keep rolling off roof

29. Staying up one more hour to see how Ron Popeil will blow your mind this time

30. Constantly interrupted by Christmas ghosts

31. Pillow is stuffed with bad checks written to the mob

32. Still pumped from John Stossel's latest "Give Me a Break" segment

33. Recurring nightmares about Sting and his lute

34. Cage is too small

35. Neighbor has his car alarm sensitivity set at "Gentle Breeze"

36. Aliens never seem to run out of things to learn from your rectum

37. Don't want to lose place in line for Hannah Montana tickets

38. Free futon you found behind Applebee's not the boon you imagined

39. New perm is too tight

40. The dream catcher above your bed is on the fritz

41. Homemade meth is a titch too strong

42. Trying to catch 24-hour Laundromat in a lie

43. Can't remember where you put that baby

44. Sweating out a garlic binge

45. Your floor plan: living room, LaGuardia runway, bedroom

46. Still a little nervous about the wine glass on the corner of the Tempur-Pedic

47. Because if you don't live-blog the 3:30 a.m. M.A.S.H. rerun, who the hell will?

48. The man next to you on the Greyhound just whispered in your ear: "If you're tired, you can rest your mouth on my genitals"

49. Sudoku

50. By not sleeping, have seven extra hours each day to drive through store windows
51. The walls are so thin, you can hear your neighbors arguing about whether you're mentally disabled

52. Have a feeling tonight will be the night you finally pull the trigger on that Proactiv Solution

53. Shouldn't have eaten that last bowl of deep-fried duck embryos from Chinatown

54. Magic 8-Ball keeps requesting you to "ask again later"

55. Dreamland is actually a total shithole

56. Haven't changed your Facebook status in almost three hours

57. Clinging for dear life to a piece of flotsam

58. Restless tongue syndrome

59. Big baby need new diaper and bottle to go night-night

60. Won't sleep until you finish reading the latest Borowitz Report entry, even if it takes all freakin' night

61. Turns out Adderall tastes a lot like Mike and Ikes

62. Cable guy is supposed to arrive between midnight and four

63. Saw something on Dateline about how sleeping causes kidney failure

64. Seems like a waste of a hooker, no?

65. Keeping yourself up by repeatedly saying out loud, "Mrs. Bret Michaels"

66. Crawled into tent to discover Charlie Sheen rolling on a condom

67. Tomorrow you're telling your handicapped son he's adopted and loved much less than the others

68. Because somewhere, right now, homosexuals are engaging in sodomy

69. You just had to take that voodoo priest's parking spot, didn't you?

70. Pancake griddle no substitute for heating pad

71. Roommate practicing his Tuvan throat singing

72. Biohazard suit a tad too warm

73. Your hammock is suspended over the mouth of a volcano

74. Still trying to figure out what you're supposed to think of Diablo Cody

75. Your brain wants to sleep but your body wants to get rid of all that corn liquor
76. Keep forgetting the chorus to "Safety Dance"

77. Your man didn't love you right

78. Waiting for Yes keyboard solo to end

79. Had eyelids removed to appear more youthful and alert

80. Thinking about how sweet life's going to be once you're a Suicide Girl

81. Perfecting the line "Give me the meat hammer" for tomorrow's porn shoot

82. Should never have ordered Ambien from Craigslist

83. Keep hearing the heartbeat of a guy buried alive in the wall

84. Still feel you have to sit in front of Best Buy all night to get a PlayStation 3

85. Plotting next moves in your 14 simultaneous games of Scrabulous

86. The manufacturers of Sleepytime Tea are a bunch of dirty fucking liars

87. Dad claimed there are no monsters under the bed "because the real monsters lurk inside our hearts"

88. New cellmate is kind of handsy

89. Impatiently awaiting news of Ace of Base reunion

90. In hindsight, shouldn't have filled the water bed with moray eels

91. The telethon's not going to watch itself

92. Still trying to think of a better comeback than, "Yeah, well, that's merely your opinion, Simon Cowell!"

93. You wet your sleeping bag

94. Suddenly realized you chose the path most traveled

95. Stupid baby in your stomach keeps trying to get born

96. Having second thoughts about green-lighting "Untitled Tom Sizemore Project"

97. That roast beef sub you found in the bus station bathroom just ain't sitting right

98. Contract with the devil expired 45 minutes ago

99. Still haunted by The Prince of Tides

100. Really half-assed that customer-service comment card at Taco Bell